Locked Out

One night, many years ago when I was delivering pizza, I locked my keys in my car while it was running.

It was about midnight, and slow enough to send the other driver home for the night.

There was an order, and then another one spaced far enough apart to take the first one on its own.

So I drove to this apartment down by the university campus. All students living there. Down this sloping driveway to the parking lot. Retaining walls all around. One yellow parking light shining high down on the area.

I stop, get out, leave the key in the ignition and car running—pizza drivers go through car starters almost yearly. Close the door and press the key fob in my leather jacket pocket. The trunk opens.

Huh.

Muscle memory misstep.

Move my thumb, press the door lock button.

Walk to the back and reach up to close the trunk. My jacket is unzipped.

Close the trunk and turn to leave.

My jacket pulls.

I’m stuck.

Jacket caught in the trunk.

I reach back into my pocket and my hand hits the cold hard outside of the trunk.

The fuck?

My mind skips. Where’s my key fob?

I see it now, in my mind, inside the trunk, just on the other side, a barrier between my hand and the fob.

How did that…

How am I going to get out of this?

My car is running. The door is locked. The key to get inside is inside my jacket pocket, which is locked inside the trunk. And I’m wearing the jacket.

What the fuck?

I call the shop and ask them if their brother is awake—can he bring me my spare key?

What’d you do?

You’re never going to believe it.

Try me.

I tell him.

You’re right. I don’t believe you. I’ll call him and have him bring your key.

Cool.

I take off the jacket and leave it hanging off the back of the car. Walk inside the lobby of the apartment building. The customer meets me down there, buzzer doesn’t work.

Aren’t you cold?

Nah, I’m good.

They leave.

I walk outside.

I wait.

I walk inside.

I wait.

I laugh quietly, over and over.

What the fuck.

To this day I don’t know if it’s one of my proudest moments, or most embarrassing. Either way, pretty impressive, eh?